Muppetocracy: Angus Taylor and the Liberal Party's Gender Panic • Lucky For Some

Muppetocracy

In the pantheon of Liberal Party fuck-ups, Angus Taylor occupies a special place. This is the Rhodes Scholar who bungled his way through shadow treasurer, helped torpedo Dutton’s electoral chances, and collected scandals like trading cards - Watergate, Grassgate, pick your gate. Now this same strategic mastermind has emerged from whatever fossil fuel-funded bunker he’s been hiding in to declare that gender quotas “subvert democracy.” The timing is exquisite - barely two weeks after losing the leadership to Sussan Ley, the first woman to lead his party, Taylor’s decided the real problem with the Liberal Party isn’t that they just suffered their worst electoral defeat in 80 years. No, the real threat to democracy is the terrifying prospect of more women in parliament. Welcome to the death rattle of the Liberal Party boys’ club, where merit means being born with the right connections and chromosomes, where democracy means keeping the born-to-rule in power, and where the gravest threat to Australia isn’t climate catastrophe, housing affordability or wage stagnation - it’s the terrifying prospect that someone without a cock might get to make decisions.

Last Gasps

The speed at which Angus Taylor moved to knife his new leader tells you everything about the Liberal Party’s death spiral. Lost to Sussan Ley 25-29, still “nursing his deep bitterness” about it, and within days he’s out there publicly contradicting the first woman to lead his party. Because nothing says “we understand why we lost” like immediately undermining your female leader on the exact issue that has continue to haemmorhage votes for the party.

Watch them scramble. Abbott’s foaming at the mouth, the IPA’s pumping out desperate screeds about meritocracy, and Taylor - who claims quotas “subvert democratic processes” - apparently can’t see the cosmic joke. Democracy? Oh you mean the thing that just handed you your worst election result in 80 years. Democracy looked at what you’re selling and said “yeah, nah, definitely not fuckwit.” But here’s Taylor, the man whose disastrous shadow treasurer performance helped sink Dutton’s chances, lecturing us about competence and democratic values.

The boys’ club isn’t even trying to hide their panic anymore. They’d rather go extinct than share power. They’re not defending democracy - they’re defending their right to lose elections with dignity, surrounded by other mediocre men who went to the same private schools and wail about “woke principles” when girls threaten to invade their sacred spaces. Like a Newington old boy, Angus can barely hold back the tears as he feigns incredulity at having to let girls into his clubhouse

The Mathematics of Misogyny

The numbers don’t lie, even if Angus does. Labor went from 14% women in 1994 to 56% today. The Liberals? 14% to 30% in the same timeframe. Thirty years for a 16% increase. At this rate they’ll achieve gender parity when the sun explodes.

It’s not just the numbers - it’s where they put women. Only 6% of Liberal women hold safe seats versus 28% of men. They use women as cannon fodder in unwinnable seats while the boys get the cushioned gigs. No wonder women voters are abandoning them “across all ages” and Teal women are stealing their heartland.

Here’s what really terrifies them: women in power actually get shit done. Women-led councils in India delivered 62% more drinking water projects. More women in parliament means better education, health, and renewable energy policies. The evidence is global and overwhelming: Countries with quotas elect 7-17% more women. Rwanda leads at 60%+, Japan without quotas limps along at 10%.

But here’s the punchline that exposes the whole farce: The Coalition already uses quotas - for National Party positions in shadow cabinet. Quotas for country blokes? Fair dinkum. Quotas for women? The bears might smell their periods.

Irrelevance Has a Face, and It’s Angus Taylor

Rhodes Scholar. McKinsey consultant. Fossil fuel millionaire. The Liberal Party archetype - born into privilege, educated into entitlement, and promoted well beyond his abilities. This is the man who couldn’t even be bothered discussing his actual portfolio (defence) but raced to attack gender quotas the moment Ley suggested them. Because nothing says “serious politician” like ignoring national security to look out for the lads.

At least when Labor sells out on climate and housing, they manage to win elections while doing it. These clowns can’t even get corruption right. They’re not governing - they’re just warming seats. The Spectator crowd keeps insisting women are the Liberal Party’s problem, but they’ve got it backwards. Women aren’t their problem -omen have correctly identified that THEY are the problem.

The rest of Australia moved the fuck on while these geriatric seat-warmers stayed stuck in 1950. They’re still cosplaying leaders for a fantasy nation where the right school tie guaranteed a ministry, where women made tea not policy, and where digging up coal was considered vision. That Australia’s dead, buried, and its wake was the last election. Now they’re circling the drain, watching women - Teal independents, Labor ministers, their own fucking leader - take the power they thought was their birthright. This is what extinction looks like: the born-to-rule discovering they were born too late, defending their divine right to lose with dignity while the country leaves them behind.

The Real Fucking Tragedy

Here’s what makes me properly furious about this whole shitshow: we actually need these bastards to function. Democracy doesn’t work with one competent party and one pack of fossilised fuck-knuckles jerking each other off about the good old days. We need a real opposition to call out Labor’s bullshit on climate, housing, and every other betrayal they’re sleepwalking through. We need someone to hold their feet to the fire when they hand billions to fossil fuel companies while pretending to give a shit about emissions targets.

But instead we get this: Angus Taylor’s crocodile tears and the opposition tearing itself apart over whether women are people. An opposition so fundamentally broken they can’t even agree that maybe, just maybe, they should try appealing to more than half the fucking population. They’re not holding the government to account - they’re holding their own funeral and arguing about the gender of the pall-bearers

The Coalition has become worse than useless - they’re actively harmful to democracy. Every day they spend whining about women in parliament is another day Labor gets away with continued quite omission of their so-called mandate. Every moment wasted on Taylor’s tantrums is another moment of unchecked power, another corporate handout, another climate target missed. We don’t just deserve better. We desperately fucking need it. While the coalition has its geriatric gender crisis, Labor’s governing unopposed and we’re all getting gouged.

Get your shit together or get out of the way. Australia can’t afford your identity crisis.

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Model: Imagen v4 Preview

Seed: Random

Prompt: Minimalist conceptual art: A stark chess board where all pieces have been swept away except for a lone king teetering on the edge, about to fall into a void. The board squares are fragmenting, some floating away, others transforming into abstract feminine forms in coral and teal. Negative space dominates. Style: limited color palette, lots of white space, watercolor-like edges bleeding into nothing, suggesting dissolution and transformation rather than showing it literally.